Well, a lot of stupid drama has occurred lately as I have explained in earlier blogs (sort of). In light of this situation I've come to a common sensicle conclusion allowing me to set a few personal goals that will hopefully make my life easier in the future. They are mainly obvious, and mostly meant to redirect me back to a path that I somehow wondered off of so I can live my life according to my true values, and not according to momentary reactions or feelings. It will be difficult but I am sincerely prepared to alter my interractions for what i believe will be a better outcome. Along with every goal are a few process goals. I will state them here in order to have a written record not easily lost in the muddle of thoughts that is my brain.
1. Never speak about friends in a negative way behind their back regardless of the intensity of emotion that I feel in the moment. I will begin by changing "rants" into praises and simply saying "I don't want to talk about it" when someone insists on gossiping, or by annoying the gossiper with praise about the person they are cutting down. ha
2. Find a third party confidante who is trustworthy. Even if I have to go to councellor or something I will not use any person who doesn't want that position, or who has proven in some way that they are untrustworth with my feelings. This may mean a reevaluation of close frienships. I realize this goal slightly conflicts with the first, however, being realistic, I also realize that it is unhealthy to bottle emotions and sometimes having a social support network is necessary. It would probably not hurt to have someone to ask advice of or to help me sort out emotions about particularly stressful incidents.
3. The truth will set you free (or "honesty is always the best policy except for when its not" haha). I had this goal awhile back. I consider myself a pretty honest person already so the problem is not really so much with honesty as it is with expressing feelings. If someone pisses me off I will confront them in a mature manner (face to face) and tell them my feelings (without being accusative or anything just, "I am feeling angry because this happened"). Then I will enagge in active listening. I will also use my newly learned stress coping skills to calm my mind and body, and problem solve with clear thoughts. I think I've been doing better at this one than I used to, but part of good goal setting is reevaluation and review. My main goal thou is to avoid getting tangled in a mess ro making things worse which brings me back to goal 1.
off on a tangent: Is drama the most appropraite label for conflicts and interpersonal difficulties? Or does it make things worse by suggesting it is somehow a created thing for the purpose of entertainment, giving those involved "permission" to carry it on and make it bigger? Subjectively the use of the label drama might imply that problems are made better or made more entertaining the bigger they are, paralleling the use of drama in the arts and entertainment industries. The more shocking the drama, the more tragic the outcome, or the bigger the rollercoaster the more popular the story. Maybe we subjectively desensitize ourselves, and minimize the REAL effect of conflict on people's mental and physical well being by labelling normal occurances in our lives as drama. Maybe by labelling it in purely factual terms (conflict, difficulty, problem) the situation would be interpreted more realistically and be taken more seriously, instead of exagerated or catastrophized.
