Manifest

I heard on a discovery channel show about 2012 that they used a computer to analyse all the data on the internet and come up with predictions based on the "subconscious" of all the people using the ineternet. If you have read about any philosophies that say everyone is connected, that you can manifest your own destiny then you would understand the logic behind the idea that a computer analysis of the internet could predict the future. There is also a popular notion out there called "positive thinking" (you've probably heard of it :-P...) that says that if you think positively and give positive energy to the universe good things will happen to you. This might be compared to the idea of karma, where the opposite is true as well. Even Justin Timberlake made a song about it (what goes around comes around... whatever happened to him anyways?). If this is all true I'm going to add some of my own thoughts into the universe via the internet. Right here I will manifest some destiny in ten lol:
1. I will become rich and possibly famous (thus leading to more riches) (next 3 - 5 years)
2. I will have my own house with a nice kitchen where I will cook wonderful meals for my perfect loving husband and our wonderful, over achieving children who are also cool. (10 - 15 years)
3. My family and friends will be happy and healthy and enjoy long, prosperous lives. (present til forever)
4. We will all survive 2012.
. Zombies will never happen. (now til forever)
6. The human race will make a dramatic change and start caring for the earth and all the animals in it. Meat places will adhere to a very strict code of humane treatment of animals and all livestock and other animals will be happy and healthy regadless of where they live. (january 23, 2011)
7. My acne will disappear forever and my skin will be beautiful and healthy - hopefully in the next month or sooner!!!
8. My sister will become a very successful business woman and have a harmonious family life too. (7 - 10 years from now)
9. My friends will find life partner's who treat them with respect, support them, and make them happy while still allowing them their freedom and independence. (from now until forever, next 2 years most likely)
10. Dexter will be on at a more reasonable hour. (January 2010 or whenever the next season starts)

Most of these theories suggest you should alo include a time line so beside each statement I have put in brackets when this should happen.

Lie to me.

If there's one thing I've found in the most recent events of my life, it's that being lied to is one of the most emotionally painful experiences - even if it's not a big lie. I don't think I ever really knew what the term "to alient" meant until this weekend. On saturday night after an amazing fun time at the flames game, we were going to go out to party when half our group left due to drunkeness. We ended up going to the home of two of them and playing rock band which was pretty fun, although not what was expected to happen that night. The other member of the party apparently went home feeling sick but chose to do so on his own (we offered a ride but it was refused). I called several times and texted to ensure this person had made it back to his home safely, as I was feeling guilty for allowing him to leave when he was apparently so intoxicated. The next day I saw pictures of him on facebook (damn you facebook) at a party that occurred saturday night. He had faked being sick and drunk to go to a party only because a former friend of mine was there - he was too scared to say that's where he was going. My heart sank when I saw this. I don't care who he hangs out with or when, but I do care that he is too scared to be honest and simply say "I've been invited to a party after the game and I'll be leaving to go there". The worst part is that while he was telling us his plan to get home I suspected he was lying. I said later that I didn't think he was going home and that he wasn't that drunk... then again, I thought I could be wrong and since I called him later to check up on him and he answered that he was home safely, I figured maybe I was wrong and he really was feeling sick. I just feel so annoyed. Why make people waste energy worrying about you if it's just a big lie? And for what? What am I going to do if he tells the truth - I know what I'd do, probably nothing. "Have fun" I'd say.
I feel like my "sincere" and genuwine friend is turning into a jerk... I feel like he's just feeling obligated to be my friend and doesn't actually want to be. I feel like he's being controlled by "a force" that wants me to be unhappy. Why is it so important to hide these things? Another friend of mine was at that party too - but at least he didn't lie to me.... I'm not mad about that.
I just want to live my life in peace - have my own experiences and relationships with my friends, unaffected by their friendships with other people. I'm going to confront him today and simply say that I feel hurt that he lied to me. I will also assure him that his business is not my concern and that I won't be upset or angry if he tells me the truth - it's his life and he can do what he wants - however I have a right in this friendship to honesty.


When will end? I wonder. I don't think he realizes the affect of his actions. The situation is sensitive, where people are understandably conflicted. I realize there are tensions occurring. I also feel that people need to have faith in their friends. I had faith that I could maintain my friendships with people despite tensions I might have with their friends. I know I control my own actions and I know that faced with an awkward situation I can react in a mature and controlled manner. I feel like my friends don't have this confidence in me and I don't know why. I haven't done anything in the past I can think of that would make me seem unreliable in this regard. It pains me to think that I have placed faith in this person, in him being a mature person who remains nuetral, realizing that my frienship with him has nothing to do with his other frienships. I feel like that trust was broken on saturday night. Now I fear I'm being alienated... like my friends are being pulled away from me and I will be alone eventually. And for what? I've tried to be understanding to their needs and freedoms but it just never seems to get through. I was holding on to this faith that they care about me and wouldn't abandon me... and now I feel like its just all falling apart.

If you're reading this and you're my friend, I want you to know this. That I will support you in any decision you make (unless its murder or drugs... or other unlawful or dangerous behavior haha). Your life is in your control. Your experience is your own and different than mine and I respect that. Do not feel scared to be honest with me, or to do what you want (more specifically to rekindle frienships) because if that is what makes you happy then that is what I want for you. I recognize that people have their differences (differences in partying habits, goals, methods of reaching those goals...) but I won't allow things like that to destroy a good frienship. I rather my friends have the freedom (feel free not guilty) to do what they like if it makes them feel good cause a happy free friend is better than a dishonest, resentful one.