I haven't updated in a while. Probably because it seems like my blog was spiraling into an abyss of emotions and don't like coming off as an emotional wreck. I like to think of myself as composed, strong, and a fighter. But I guess 2011 came to teach me that I am all that and the exact opposite as well.
I give 2011 two People of Walmart out of five. I don't even know what that rating really means but percentage wise it equals 40%. For anything bad that happened this year something equally good happened and vice-versa. So here is a break down of my year:
The Not-quite American Dream
2011 started off with a job hunt. I finished my last semester of kinesiology in December and was hopeful and anxious as I jumped into job searching. Three months later several interviews had come and gone and no job. Needless to say my confidence was shaken, I felt like shit. I started working full time at my previously part time job and almost became homicidal because being a cashier at a grocery store is no place for a recently graduated exercise professional... right? Anyways, I ended up turning down a very good interview to work as a research assistant at Alberta Health Services after accepting an offer (finally) to work casually for a physiotherapy clinic near where I live. Little did I know this would later become one of my greatest regrets of 2011. They asked me to cover for a week while the regular Kinesiologist was on holidays. I worked a total of 21.5 hours that week doing awesome physio stuff at this nice little clinic. So the receptionist was a huge bitch but other than that it went well, although I did think it was a bit fishy that I didn't have to sign any employment forms... I asked about it and they gave me a government tax form to fill out and that's all... When the week ended and I had completed three days of work with minimal training and very few mishaps, I asked them about the part time hours they had said were coming up in the summer and they told me this would be happening in May (this particular day was in mid-April). They didn't mention when I would get paid so I phoned later and the receptionist told me to come in at the end of the month to pick up my paycheck. I already felt a bit weary of my new employers so I made sure I showed up April 28 at exactly the specified time. He cut me a check directly from his checkbook (no tax removed or anything? whaaa?) which made me think they must have just thrown out that tax form. Again, I asked about the status of the part time position (still desperate to get experience) and they said they would give me a call. May came and went and no call. I sent an email which did not receive a reply. In July I got a missed call from the clinic on my phone but no message. I called back but no answer. I finally received an email from the receptionist asking if I could work a few days in July which happen to be during the time I was on vacation. I replied and told her about my vacation and that I would only be gone for a week but could help out when I got back. I even called and left a message. They never responded. In the end I felt cheated and used and stupid. How could I have given up other opportunities in favor of this stinker? At least my grocery store job was starting to look up.
First I got a raise. Then in June I got transferred to a different position in the store with much more freedom and skill required and another raise. Then the woman I worked with took sick leave for three months and the receptionist also left and I took over both positions which kept me busy and allowed me more time to get to know the store and my co-workers and make a name for myself (It also looks better on my resume). Even though it wasn't exactly a dream position, after so much shit prior it felt like a step up. I would have to get experience in other ways.
In September I started volunteering at ARBI (Association of the Rehabilitation of the Brain Injured). I met a friend there and coincidentally she had also worked at the same clinic that screwed me over earlier. She also had an awful experience so we had this in common and I felt a bit better that I wasn't the only one. Volunteering was one of the best decisions I made the whole year. I think it helped heal the pain I felt in this area of my life. I met awesome people and am building my own skills in the area of physio and occupational therapy.
One Giant Step for Moron Mountain
In March this year I "left the nest". I moved (only a few blocks away) from my parent's house and began living with my boyfriend in a one bedroom apartment. This was a great success in terms of independence. I learned to better appreciate all my parents have done for me. I took up house hold chores with enthusiasm (at first) and was elated to control my own groceries. I felt like a peasant in a castle and lived like a Queen in search of a simple life. I made great efforts to soothe the wounds I received in my professional life by attending to my spiritual life and my fitness. I bought my own gym membership, utilized the apartment gym as well, and spent many of my days off running to the gym and to the grocery store. I managed to run a 12km route this summer (not including the stop in the middle to work out at the gym or to get groceries at Safeway) several times. I enjoyed nature, listened to music, and meditated. I organized the area around my bath tub to mimic my parent's house - almost like a mini spa! In the area of health and wellness I exceeded this year. I even started cooking more and experimenting with recipes. Christmas was a great success in this area as I made a salad for Christmas dinner at my parent's house and an appetizer of smoked tofu pigs in blankets which were a hit. Maybe I can cook after all! But as I mentioned earlier - for everything good something bad went along with it.
Things started to change with my boyfriend. At the beginning of the year I was having issues with my birth control pill which was making intimacy very difficult. I was frustrated because I couldn't control my own body and what it decided to do (or not do). This was adding to my already depressed mood because of work at the time. I researched non-hormonal birth control and found IUD which help remedy the situation a bit. However, I think the damage was done. Living with me allowed my boyfriend a glimpse behind the curtain even in matters that were previously very private.... maybe he wasn't ready? Our intimate life was never quite restored and despite my own efforts to fix it something had changed for him. Things progressively got worse. We had more spats. On the surface things seemed okay. To me, these changes were simply inevitable things that occur as you grow together (especially when you live together), but to him it was much worse. It came to a climax in late November when he "uninvited" me to his brothers destination wedding. This had been planned for over a year and I was getting excited. Meanwhile he was doing school and becoming more and more stressed out. When he suggested I don't come to Cuba and then proceeded to have a "serious" discussion with me I was choked. He basically threatened to break up with me because he wanted his own space and felt he had changed ("It's not you, it's me). After a lot of talking we didn't break up - I think (although it was never put forth as a real reason) partially because of our lease.... and up until this very moment I still don't know what is going on. The worst part is that he doesn't seem to think his actions were wrong in any way. He's acting like the whole thing never happened - which is even more confusing to me.
And so 2011 had thrown one of its worst curve balls yet. Here I am writing a year in review blog and its ending on a bad note. Or is it? On January first I fly with my family for a week in Mexico. They offered for me and my sister to come after hearing about me no longer going to Cuba. At least it seems 2012 will have a decent beginning.
