Infiltration

Here's the dilemma. I pretty much got offered a job (from a lady I worked with at my old job) to work at a gym as a PT. It's like a job just fell out of the sky! Crazy! But... there's a catch... It seems a bit ironic. This gym happens to be the same one that an ex-friend goes to. Imagine the awkwardness of working there and potentially running into her.... In some ways I feel that if I don't take this job because of that reason, I am throwing a way a gift - every rose has its thorn right? BUT I know that me living my life ... dipping my foot in the pond, simply being somehow associated with that person, could cause a wave in one form another... It's like I can't get away from it... it keeps coming back. It seems too much of a coincidence in life for this dilemma to take place. What should I do? If I don't take the job I'm letting the pettiness of the situation control my life - literally (job choices? really?) and if I do.... that's the mystery. At this point I'm leaning toward taking the job and not letting the fitness facility choices of people I'm on bad terms with deter me from a potentially great job experience... it's in the back of mind though - maybe I'm just worrying.

Peripherals.

I had a heart to heart with a friend related to my previous blog. Both of us are in a similar situation, but our life goals put a different spin on it. She started by saying that she was happy to know that no matter what when she graduated she would have a job - even if it was just a personal trainer. I said I felt the exact opposite - how will I make money when the only jobs available are minimum wage? We determined this difference in perspective was do to my plan to move out and live independently... hopefully soon, while she was in no rush to give up the luxury of living at home. Then we started wondering what our careers will be. Did we study the right thing? What are we doing here now, only a few courses away from graduation...? I told her about how the pedorthist program was changed and now much less appealing, and how my family had questioned why (and if) I was even interested in that field. They seem "disappointed", like I haven't met their expectations, while my sister pursuing business is on a "true" path to success as a cunning business lady with a million options non of which come with a small pay cheque. We continued on about our perspectives on success, and being people of many interests, our confusion and consideration of other fields. She suggested I might like architecture and I confessed I had this idea before - and a bit of a dream to design buildings that promoted physical activity among cooperate people... it's an idea. It as good we had this discussion because I suppose I feel more free to consider other options and not force myself to pursue excellence in health care without further education (is that even possible?).

We also stepped back and looked at the big picture - that one where time isn't always running out - maybe enjoy the moment. Look back on the past and realize how far you've made it already because some people never get here. Lots of people forget the good things they've done and measure success by the number of failures they've had compared to a perfect zero - instead of the number of successes they've had. Then I had another conflicting thought about how spirituality might hinder success and make you strive less... and then I realize that that depends on your definition of success... am I caught in the money = success ideology? It's a tough world to live in when success is measured by how big your house is, how nice your car is, and if all your kids went to post secondary... what about being happy? Oh the confusion. What if I did decided to be a personal trainer for the rest of my life because I liked it? Would my family avoid telling their friends about the fate of their daughter? would they wonder where they went wrong? How come?

Anyways, on a separate note: I noticed that last night my fan was on. But I couldn't see it in the dark when i looked directly at it. I could only see it from my peripheral vision - probably because it was movement - changes in light and dark - and my periphery has more rods than cones to perceive that condition. the center of my retina has more cones - colour sensitive that require more light to work - which is why looking directly at the dark fan in the dark made it hard to see. A scientific explanation for something I probably wouldn't have noticed otherwise...

What will I do?

I had my eye on this program which I was considering for after I graduate. It sounded really good because it was a paid internship - but today I went on the website again and it's like it disappeared!! I can't find it at all - it's completely changed. Why would they tell me about this in January and then destroy the opportunity before I even graduate (the degree is necessary to do the program)? I can't even describe the anger in my throat right now... It's like all my time spent planning ahead and the stress that I put into decision making is totally useless... I feel like I'm just going to be a bum living in my parents house for the rest of my life... I feel completely hopeless. I need to make some kind of living in order to advance farther in life... but it seems like all the routes are blocked some how. Everyone around my keeps asking what I'm going to do... I HAD A PLAN! even a B and a C. and now after doing some job hunting it seems like all my plans are just falling apart.... there are no jobs for students, there are no jobs at all. What will they say now? Why do I care what they say? Maybe it's because I don't want to be the 30 year old daughter living at home who's boyfriend realized she was going to become nothing and left her.

In your eyes are golden forest floors

where the sunlight peeks through the trees

and rests upon a soft moss bed and

passes through the ripples of a cool bubbling creek

The only sounds are nature's whispers

peace and harmony

I feel I've found a haven

protected by the shelter of the forest canopy

In your smile there is a clearing, cast with warm sun beams

flecked with wild flowers that pervade the aura of a dream

The refreshing breeze suggests adventure as it brushes at my back

This is where I'm suppose to be
because the woods are so dark and wild
without you next to me

Reticular Formation

The title of this blog has very little to do with the actual blog. The reticular formation is thought to be the part of your brain that joins the mind and the body (connection between the brain and spinal cord), therefore it is of special interest for those studying the mind body relationships, such as myself... That's as far as I've gotten in my attempt at studying as today is friday - and not just any at that. Today is the day after thursday, the day before saturday, the day connecting the week to the weekend - yes, today is march 12th - the day after March 11th which happens to be my birthday. Yesterday I ate marble slab ice cream cake and it was good. Maybe it even deserves a section in the creation story - "and marble slab ice cream cake was invented and god said it was good. Then he added gummy bears and raspberries and that was good too." Yes, yesterday was also a very busy day aside from eating birthday cake. The day before yesterday was also a busy day and the day before that as well... it seems I haven't had much time to be social outside of specific obligations.
Even tonight busy. I will be at the auto show showing off the solar car. I have memorized a sheet of facts so I don't sound like an idiot when answering questions. This was necessary because my role on the solar car team had almost nothing to do with the car itself. In fact it's more related to the reticular formation than it is the solar car. But alas I am excited for this opportunity... in all a not so informative blog today, sorry. I must return to my studying of psychophysiology.

Your Heart - Brain

I just attended an awesome seminar called "is your cranial brain the only brain in your body?" by Dr. Badri Rickhi. It was really interesting - all about the neural capacity of your other organs, with special focus on the heart, and how they may have a more prominent role in controlling your body than originally thought. General knowledge tells us that the brain is the control center but recent studies is medical science have revealed that the heart may also be a "control center", possibly with the ability to override the brain. Phenomenon that occurs in many post-heart transplant patients inspires studies investigating the heart's unique ability to store memories, especially emotional ones, and it's interaction with the brain... Sure it may sound far fetched, but intriguing evidence is being collected from EEGs, heart rhythm analysis (analyses micro changes in heart rhythm not shown on EEGs), and brain wave analysis that suggests that science has yet to discover all the mysteries of the human body. The human SYSTEM is much more complex than the parts we study it in, including the individual themselves a part of a much bigger system of people.
Much of the evidence alludes to the idea that eastern and ancient medicine can be backed up with science. Especially when one considers the enormous electromagnetic field of the heart and how it interacts with other people's. Some of the variable heart rhythms and brain wave studies have shown that your heart and brain may interact with those around you. A relatively healthy person can become sick from living with stressed or depressed individual (even when it is not obvious). These cases tend to be women being influenced by the emotions of their husband while they sleep. As well, two people in close proximity may experience a synchronization of their variable heart beat. Quite interesting... In many eastern medicine practices, energy is manipulated and in such practices as reiki, it is worth noting the uncanny resemblance of the energy pathways (alignment of chakras) to the magnetic field of the heart. I have also heard (from a different source) that specific points targeted in some Chinese therapies like acupuncture align nicely with the lymph system.
Another interesting thing this seminar touched on was the relationship between changes in heart rhythm and emotions. It is well known by most people that when you're stressed your heart races (and also becomes irregular) and when you are calm is beats slower and more steadily. A commonly taught technique to relax, calm the heart and nerves, and supposedly heal is progressive relaxation... however, while this technique is effective in relaxing muscles and calming the mind it does not cause significant enough changes to stimulate the healing effects of the parasympathetic nervous system (yes, the PNS is triggered but just to the relax point - not the heal point). What does trigger the heart to begin beating in nice synchronicity and result in enough changes to have a healing effect is the emotion of appreciation and love. When subjects were told to visualize being appreciative, giving thanks, or the feeling of love they generated more alpha brain waves and a steady heart rhythm (beautiful even wave on a graph) and reached healing levels. So isn't this what religion has been preaching all along? Now we have scientific evidence to justify it! Give thanks! Now go pray and be healthy. :-)

It's a girl thing... ?

After an increase in dramatic events and many a rant to my current bf, his immediate feedback is "if she was a guy I'd tell her to fuck off and then we'd go out for drinks. Girls are so dramatic." Although a stereotype I do feel it carries some truth. All the way up until high school I mostly had male friends, and the female friends I had were in the same boat. Our biggest problem was having parties or gatherings that wouldn't end up being sausage fests - something apparently not desirable for hormone saturated high school boys. For the most part, the same is true today (except that the boys don't mind if girls are at the party or not). The only difference is that in my university years I've had a few new female pals... and every one of them could win some kind of Academy award. I've had to deal with "feelings" (some arising from speculation derived from trivial pieces of information and great imaginations), and topics I feel unworthy of serious talk (like the length of time between phone calls for example. wtf.). Obviously there could be other factors than just being female, but for the sake of simplicity I'll just say that none of these crazy things would have happened between male friends. The worst between-male drama I've heard of so far is one guy secretly losing trust in another after he was lied to... ok understandable. Even male drama usually has a female co-star. Basically this whole blog is just me trying to extrapolate reasons for my own issues that are not in my control. What can I say... it's a girl thing?

Luckily this stuff is old news that keeps getting recycled in my brain, like a game to see how many new derivatives I can make from it. Right now everything seems to be quite alright. Even my skin is beginning to clear up!! Yay! Here is the link to the Skin Science website: Click here. If you plan on checking it out tell her I referred you! :-P