Low self esteem days busted by... guilt?

Sometimes, as everyone has, I have a low self esteem day. Usually they come about out of thoughts of inadequacy for some reason - my two most common are "not pretty enough" (fairly common I think) or "came from a boring culture" (this probably arises from having a very eclectic group of friends, all who have some kind of background they can share - I represent the just Canadian, whatever that means). One way I've discovered to bust out of these spiralling downward type of thoughts is to think of my parents and then feel guilty... motivating me to think positively and thus allowing me to forget my grievances and be thankful for what I have. To deny my own beauty is to say to my my mom "mom your genetics are ugly!" which is obviously not the case. I come from a long line of good looking! To think I am from a boring culture is to tell my dad I am ungrateful for everything he's taught me and the experiences my family has had together. My parents are definitely not ugly, so how could any combination of them come out that way? Everyone is unique and I am no exception. I represent a combination of two different people's DNA, a miracle that it could happen at all. I grew up and had my own experiences just as my friend's did. My parents and family taught me what they know and what they've learned through their lives as Canadians. In conclusion, when I notice myself falling into a low self esteem cycle I think of my family and how they would feel if they knew I had those thoughts. It's like a kick in the butt - or a voice telling me to stop being so ungrateful and think of how thankful I am for my parents and how much I love them.

This thought has further intrigued me to wonder what the results of a study on the differences in self esteem in individualistic cultures and collectivist cultures are... a small amount of research in this area revealed that it seems as though collectivist cultures are more likely to avoid "self - enhancement" behaviours while individualistic cultures score higher in this area... hmmm is this blog evidence I come from a individualistic culture? Here a link to a text regarding cultural effect on personality, etc. HERE

Meant to SEA

A book I was reading about becoming psychic (hey, who doesn't want psychic powers? come on people) told me that in order to improve my intuition I should record moments in life where a divine hand seemed to be at work. This is the story of how I came to have Great Big Sea tickets for this October.

It all started a few weeks ago when I heard the song "When I'm up" on the radio. I had forgotten about Great Big Sea, seeing as they haven't produced many hits since I was about thirteen, but none the less was happy to hear an old song. Being on a "positive thinking" kick for quite some time now combined with a yearning to re-visit the east coast, the song rekindled some happy feelings and I decided to remember a few more of their songs, like Ordinary Day and Consequence Free. Oh how happy. So I downloaded them to my ipod, and before long decided I should search ticket master in the event that they might be touring... what are the chances? Pretty good actually - like 100%. There next concert is October 27th in Calgary. To my dismay, they were sold out. So I looked on eBay for some scalper tickets at a reasonable price but could only find some that were a bit too much for me to justify it. So sadly I decided it must not have been meant to be. This was about a few weeks ago.

A few days ago I was looking for a specific email and found it in my junk mail. I clicked the "move to inbox" option and my screen reloaded to the next junk email - opening a giant picture of Great Big Sea with huge letters reading "Presale tickets" and a password. I was confused and read further. It seems they made another concert on October 28th. The pre sale happened September 8th at 10am. WTF. Awesome. So I went on the computer at 9:55am yesterday morning and bought some Great Big Sea tickets. Thank God the next email in my junk folder happened to be that one or I never would have known of a second concert date, much less received the password for presale tickets and the date to buy tickets. Holy smokes, lucky me. It seems as though some higher power approves of me seeking out positive music. :-)

Soul - Mates (in the australian way)

Ever meet people that you swear you must have known in another life? (assuming you can believe in reincarnation). Maybe you were friends when you were both cowboys in the frontier or something... or two dinosaurs flocking away from a T-rex together. You must hav been through an adventure together of some sort. Your spirit remembers them but your present body and mind does not. There's just a vaue feeling of familiarity, maybe an instant connection - easy conversation, a feeling of knowing and "caring" without really knowing too well.

I sometimes come across this feeling in my job. A co-worker or client I instantly connect with. For some reason it's usually someone older than myself. The reality of the present time is that we were born decades apart... we come from very different backgrounds and it would be unlikely we would ever meet or ever talk except for the circumstances. Somehow I have a sense or feeling of knowing them. Perhaps our souls are drawn to the same places somehow (like that movie with Will Smith - I am Legend). Or maybe we've had so many lives before it's impossible not to run into a soul-mate... Another theory is goes back to the one universe idea... we are all connected and at some deeper level are all one and the same unconditional love, God, energy, etc. It's a mystery.

In any case, shoutz out to all my soul-mates.

Heart Strings

Ever since I went to Nova Scotia in February, I've had this little yearning in my heart to go back. I have a few friends who live there and each time I look at their pictures I feel a little tug. Halifax is such a nice place. I feel like there was so much to explore there and so many little adventures I didn't have time to go on. I just really enjoyed the culture there, the ocean, the ships, and the people are so nice (man, they know how to party!).

Even though I went in the winter when everything was closed I still liked it. Farewell Nova Scotia! If only airline tickets were cheaper to travel there. I can go somewhere tropical,or spend a whole week in Vegas for less...

The Saskatoon Berry Farm

"Your berries are delicious but you're a fucking tool" - Dan to the guy with a Saskatchewan licence plate driving terribly.

This week was the longest week of my life. I lay in wait for my upcoming, well deserved vacation. And by "lay" I mean I worked my ass off, did a million errands, responded to tonnes of emails and planned more for my upcoming fun time. Every second seemed to take 3 hours to go by. On top of this my family is on vacation already and left me to take care of our spoiled brat pets... I didn't get more than an hour of sleep cumulatively any night this week. Only a few more days. Only a few more days. Staying in the moment is my challenge this week.

Today that challenge was a lot easier. We went to the Saskatoon berry farm near Okotoks and indulged in a relaxing afternoon picking berries and eating ice cream. The weather was beautiful, and the hype was built up by a series of events earlier this week. 1) I found some Saskatoon berries growing in the forest near my house while walking the dog - delicious. 2) the Saskatoon berries in my backyard finally became ripe two days after the fore mentioned event. It was fun. It was different. I heard about the farm from one of my client's at work (she's a senior citizen - they know all the good old fashioned down home fun places. So if you have a hankering for a good date place chat up a senior) a few eeks ago and have had berries on the brain since. Last night my grandma took us out to Grey eagle Casino for the buffet. Yet another day of indulgence. Even though I've literally only had about 24 hours of free time (cumulative)since yesterday I feel like I've finally had a bit of vacation (not including the pedicure and massage I got last week *sigh* but seriously).

Updated thought and poems

Actually I decided that tumblr is more like a hybrid between twitter and blogspot... yes.

I also wrote a few new poems now on the poems page.

Been considering getting back into art stuff - problem is school starts again and won't have time again. I did design myself a tattoo that I plan to get soon (awesome....!) so as for creative endeavors that's the most I've done so far. Been inspired by boyfriend's brother's girlfriend's website who is a graphic artist to rekindle the art flame in myself... only a few more months and then I'll graduate and be free ... free to work a decent job and have a hobbie. Working out is going well though. Actually managed to work out all 5 days of the week last week - didn't feel it made too much a of difference though - maybe 3 to 4 is a better amount.

AXON

I just opened up a tumblr account. Once again, I discovered something on one of my facebook explorations... a friend's tumblr account... I honestly had never heard of this before until today, so since her's looked nice I decided to copy and make one of my own. I suppose you could say it's some kind fo hybrid between twitter and honesty box... anyways, here's the link: http://bobisme49.tumblr.com/

check it out mhen.