Title

Last night I did a 45 minute presentation with a partner in my kinesiology class. We lectured on chapter 8 of out text book (conveniently written by our professor). Public speaking has always been one of my weaknesses. I dreaded this March 24 at the thought of myself standing in front of my fellow class mates "teaching" them information I knew only just as well (and possible even less) than some of them. I imagined myself stuttering, slipping on my words, with sweat marks growing under neath my arm pits. At the end they would bombared me with questions and my mind would go blank as i rambled some random answer met with smug faces of disapointment. But as a somewhat nuerotic individual, this was me preparing for the worst possible scenerio (not including peeing or letting one rip out of nervousness in front of everyone, that's going a bit far, although I did think of it in "what if" terms at one point. At 5:30pm we took our stand infront of the class. Our powerpoint project was tweaked and ready to go. We had three well thought out quiz questions at the beggining. Things were going well. My partner was first, introducing the topic and delving into some background information. She was doing excellent. At last the moment of truth arrived. I stood up and to my own surprise my voice rang out loud, clear, and free of stutters. My mind was flowing, the words were stringing together like some magical chain (yes, bad simile, i know). I was exceeding even my practice performance (strength in numbers?). By the end of the presentation I was relieved that it was over. I had a good feeling that I knew what I had done right and what I would be criticized on. We waited to receive our feedback forms. Amazing. I felt so satisfied with myself, like I had conquered a fear, and destroyed Goliath. The feedback was overwhelmingly positive, like twenty pats on my back. The thing that most stuck in my mind was the comments regarding me and my partner's team work. We did an excellent job keeping the flow of the presentation - one of us manned the power point while the other spoke. I also received compliments on my ability to maintain eye contact with the class while reading my notes clearly and appearing to be very knowledgeable on the topic. It may seem as though I like to toot my own horn, but hey, once in awhile you have to give yourself credit for a job well done, especially when it was extremely challenging. It important to remember positive feedback as well as constructive criticism. To sum up, basically I feel like I've added an accomplishment to my life's resume and now have an experience under my belt to take with me and use in similar future situations. One last thing I need to mention is that I felt as though my partner and I had been able to deliever a formal presentation, choked full of important information while still maintaining a lighthearted peer relationship with our classmates.

Vacations

Man, I need a vacation. Or maybe I just need to move... somewhere far away and start all over. Why do I feel like this? I don't know. It could be the stresses of school. I've come to the conclusion that work in university is way more stressful if it doesn't seem necessary. In one of my classes it feels like I have an unnecessarily large work load... why can't i just learn the material and spit it out on a test like every other class? It's not like i don't learn anything that way, which is what some people claim. Why should i be punished for someone else's poor ability to learn via multiple choice testing strategies? This class requires me and a partner to make a lecture for the class on a given chapter (i have chapter 10). The lecture must include a PowerPoint presentation and an audience participation activity. I guess I have to read my book a few weeks in advance - pooooo! Then, the midterm is no ordinary midterm. It consists of three questions which the teacher has already posted on blackboard. The catch? They are essay questions, which the teacher expects to be perfect and in depth since we've had time to look over the questions in advance and " make outlines". She also suggests we meet with groups in the class and discuss the questions and answers. My crazy group just happen to be a bunch of keeners and people with only one or 2 classes this semester. The first meeting they already had a lot of research done. Since I was busy with other classes and midterms for that week I had just started reading the questions and basically felt like an idiot the whole time - not a confidence booster. Aside from this midterm research, and lecture thing, we also have a final project which we must soon start. It is to "train" a client on how to use something called the quiet eye in sports, then right a report on our findings. If i only had one or two classes this would be alright and possibly even fun, but i also have another class with a final project due as well as several more labs. It just feels like my brain is split into so many areas this semester its hard to keep track of school and the rest of life. So that's my vent for today. In other news... stress has also arisen in the friendship area of life. I was talking to some people i work with who feel the same as me . They work all day talking to people, training people, some go to school as well, and in the down time they just want to go home and relax. However, there are always other people (ie. friends) whose lives are different and would like your down time to be time spent with them. Sometimes they don't understand that you just want to sleep or sit at home alone and watch some good ol' TV. I totally understand that frustration. You don't want to answer the phone, you don't feel like explaining yourself all the time. This may also be the reason for reluctance to make long term plans (eg. committing to a party that happens next weekend, what if you don't feel like going then?) What's wrong with hanging out once every couple weeks? I imagine, as it is for me, that this becomes more frustrating when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you want to spend time with in your down time. Now you have the problem of trying to explain that in your tiredness you just want to go home and cuddle... you're under pressure to split your time, weigh your priorities and values, and in doing so run the risk of angering and/or even losing friends ( some of which need/demand more time than others). Solution? How 'bout combine friends and boyfriend for some of your free time - kill two birds with one stone. Easy right? As I have discovered it is easier said than done. Friends see you and your boyfriend as an item - or in less nice terms, as you with something attached that divides your attention and makes things "awkward". You see it as a chance for everyone to become friends and to join two opposing groups in harmony - this is my Utopian vision. But I won't jump into generalizations fully - this situation of course depends on the personalities of those involved. I enjoy having all my friends join together no matter who they are or what history we have. I believe awkwardness is what you make it - it depends on your perspective. For example, a lull in conversation, an awkward pause? or an opportunity to reflect on previous conversation or to go do a different task and give your mind a break? Being the third wheel, awkward feeling of being left out? or chance to spend time with your friend while they are happiest and see another side/influence in their life? Unfortunately I don't believe most people see things in the most "positive" light and because of this I believe they limit themselves in a lot of ways. It is frustrating to experience this barrier to my Utopian vision. haha Maybe I'm just too sensitive... that's my parent's criticism.

Job Search Blues

Man, I have been stuck in a bad luck slump as far as jobs go this year. Since school started I have been searching for a job, but to no avail. I don't get it. Calgary is supposed to be having a labor shortage and hiring signs are everywhere - yet no one is hiring. I've applied at a few places that either never called me back or I ended up being "under qualified" which is what happens when every single job requires some kind of degree, certificate, or diplomna. I swear, even tim hortons is only hiring skilled professionals (ok, slight exageration). It's so frustrating. The most recent experience really bummed me out. I applied to work at curves fitness. They advertised for students and fitness enthusiasts interested in promoting a healthy lifestyle for women. Yeah, I can definitely do that! And I have tonnes of experience in the area of fitness. The first lady who interviewed me was exstatic that I applied. "This is great! We need people to work and your availability is perfect! Expect a call in the next 24 hours to set up a training schedule!" In the bag right? NO. "You just have to meet the owner." And so I did that. Early Saturday morning I put on my best and went to meet the owner. Her reaction was exactly opposite of the manager's. She seemed to have some isse with my age, as though she didn't believe i am 20. Then she kept putting her hand on her forehead and saying "i don't know. I just don't know". She asked me the usual interview questions "what can you bring to this company?" etc. and i answered pretty well. She keeps saying how she's looking for someone to open up at 6:30 in the morning once or twice a month, and I told her I could do that but i have school at 9 - 11 so i would either have to leave early or come later in the afternoon. She says what about this day at this time? And keeps picking times when I already told her I had school, and my availablility had been written down already. Finally she makes a tentative training schedule and acts like it was the biggest hassle in her life. I felt like telling her not to worry about it right then and there and I'd just look elsewhere. Sure enough she calls later that morning and says don't bother coming because your availability is bad. Bitch. Since when is afternoon and evening availability bad? I could have put more than 20 hours a week into it as a part time employee. Anyways, my hopes were crushed. And now I'm back to square 1. My mom told me not to worry about it because I shouldn't work for a bag like that, and she was definitely a BAG AND A HALF... maybe a bag filled with steaming cracases of the dreams of young girls. My sister said she was probably bitter because she was overweight and thopught that an in shape girl would just make the women depressed and not motivated, hahaha (just slightly egotisticle). SO now I've applied to a health food store where both my cousin and my sister work (at least i have good referals right?). I'm jsut totally unmotivated and jobbed out. I wish i could write the real reason for why I want to work for this company on the application forms: "I just need money and will work anywhere doing anything to get it." Originally my purpose was to find a job that i could get valuable experience at as well (eg. reasearch company, lululemon?, fitness place) but now I've come to the point where i don't care about the experience anymore, i just want to make money so I'm not scraping pennies from my piggybank and avoiding having fun that costs more than 50 cents. When will it end?

Pearly White

Today begins the journey to a brighter smile. I visited the dentist today to receive a whitening kit. After many long years of braces, it is a relief to finally start having a nice smile. There's not much else I can say about that... or is there? It's weird when you think about it, that having a bright white smile is merely a cultural value in Western society. By whitening my teeth, you could say I'm participating in my culture, trying to achieve societal standards of beauty. In many other countries and cultures, having pearly whites (that twinkle of course) is not a big priority, but if you live in North America, you most likely covet the movie star grin, or at least consider brushing your teeth to be a very important step in your daily hygiene. I once heard from some source that some British guy was quoted, "you can always tell an american coming from a mile away just by looking at their smile." Now that's probably all I will say on that topic, other than that I also got a cavity filled and now my mouth is frozen. At first she didn't put enough freezing stuff in and then I winced in pain and she asked if it was a bit "sensitive" and I nodded a very big yes, so then i got more freezing stuff and can't feel my lips or left side of mouth. Just now, an unchewed piece of toast was stuck between my cheek and my molars on the left side and i didn't notice it until I actively searched with the right side of my tongue. Well, that's my desntist story for today.

PREACHERS

I am right about my own beliefs. However it doesn't make me RIGHT. Maybe I've adopted an open attitude that by some standards could be compared to as having no definite belief (religiously speaking). The other day, another incident that makes my decision to quit my job at the end of this summer ever so much more justifiable. I believe there is nothing wrong with openly discussing your religious believes and other's, however to a point. The line is crossed once you start preaching or saying that once belief is better, right, or more intelligent than any other. The judgement of other religions is phenomenon I find quite annoying, especially if it comes from someone who is relgiously devout to a belief that "judgement of others is wrong and/or only for a higher power". My boss is Muslim ( I have nothing against anyone of any religion accept if I feel they are too extreme). He recently started a conversation with me about my religious beliefs. What do you think about this? What do you think about that? I thought these were questions of curiosity and found it nice that someone would take an interest in my personal beliefs. I told my beliefs and explained why I thought some things. Suddenly the conversation took a sharp turn. He began telling me hwo my religion was wrong and how the Koran was the only word of God. He todl me how what i learned was stupid because it was open to interpretation (the bible stories are open to interpretation, right?) and because I was encouraged to question things. The Koran is written and never has been changed. There is no room for interpretation and therefore it is the most reliable. I quote him, "I am in grade 4 because i am Muslim. YOu are in grade 2, and Jews are in grade 1". I can't believe these words came out of his mouth. All I said in defense was "what about all the people who have entirely different cultures and religious values? I disagree that there is only one way to find God." I was so pissed. How can anyone be so arrogant? Isn't that the opposite of what the majority of religions teach? What happened to being humble and accepting? It made me so angry to think that he would say such things, when I was willing to be open, share my personal thoughts, and also to listen to his beliefs without critiszm. JUST SO PISS OFF

Pottery

Last night I could have smoked weed but i chose not to. I have never done that in my whole life. I'm not sure why. My conscience won't let me, but why? Technically it's not wrong. Another part of my my mind reasons this and wonders what would happen.. why not? What if I'm a number one hit single song writer confined by sobriety? What if I'm a great artist waiting to be liberated into dimensions of the mind only available with the help of drugs? After knowing virtually no one who hasn't tried it, it seems like i'm missing out on "something". Yet every time the opportunity arrises my conscience usually wins. "no thanks, no I don't do that stuff". In the end I'm sitting at even. I'm somewhat proud to have stood by beliefs for so long and call myself 100% drug free (not including tylenol and the like) but I'm also weighted by the knowledge that technically, I'm just rebelling against something that doesn't really matter anyways "in the big picture" and missing some kind of experience. It's not like one time will turn me into a pothead, make me a bad person, or drop my IQ by 100 points. I've been called "straight edge" and goody two shoes since grade 6. The problem with it is that those labels assume that the person is controlled by authority, narrowminded, and boring. I wouldn't consider myself any of those things - i'm not particularily against any certain behaviors or people who do them (except maybe those that have the potential to ruin your future, ie. cocaine, thieving, laziness, etc.). It's just that I personally can't bring myself to do certain things for whatever reason I don't know.

Breakfast moivation

YUMMMMM, I rarely skip breakfast, but according to most fo teh health magazines i read, breakfast is not a morning priority for most people. I think I've discovered the cure for that. Personal Endorsement: My new favourite cereal is Special K with the choclate in it. Now I even have breakfast during the day! It's quick, it's healthy, and it will satisfy your stomache and your sweet tooth!


The little bits of choclate remind me of the buns in mexico that had a piece of chocolate inside them. I used to eat Rasin Bran Crunch, and this other things with Cranberries in it. Those are good cereals too but they don't have as much sentimental value. I also used to eat hot oatmeal alot, which is healthy but then we ran out and I forgot about them. It seem oatmeal only tastes good when you're on a health kick and you make it taste good. I should probably start eating that again. I'm trying to get back to healthiness since I kind of fell into a slump. I started exercising more frequently but then I got a cold. Blast this cold virus!! I need to move!