Today I am feeling very out of control. The whole day has been a rollercoaster. There were a few laughs but they seem to fade into the distance as they are replaced by anger, irritability, and depression. This just sucks. I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't understand what I'm supposed to learn from this garbage. Saturday is my birthday which I was excited for at one point but now I'm just frustrated and overwhelmed and I don't feel like planning anything. I was invited to a surprise birthday party for a friend who's birthday is the day before mine but I don't even want to attend. Why can't things be simple? Why is it all a big fucking mess right now? I just want to sleep all day and all night but that's boring so now I have to attempt to keep my mind occupied in some other way. All the space inbetween my occupations is just annoying and filled with anxiety. What to do what to do what to do.... I'm just so mad. I feel like that Little Critter book - except if I were little critter right now I'd have a machine gun, some gasoline, and a cigarette and the scene would be me walking away from an exploding... and exploding something.... pointing the machine gun directly at the "camera" and smoking a huge cigarette. That's how fucking mad I am. And this fucking computer can't go any slower. For fuck sakes, it's like PMS x856.
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